For some reason, I have developed a fear of heights in some situations. Recently I was on a trip to Sequoia National Park and had to confront a fear I have. The assumption around this fear surfaced during this trip before even getting ready to start a trek up Moro Rock. As we made our way to the climb, I kept reminding myself that even though I had been nervous at heights before, it did not have to be the same this time. That reminder, along with the internal statement about the view will be fantastic, and hundreds of people go up this rock every day, kept me moving. I am happy to say I went all the way up and to the end of the observation area on Moro Rock and enjoyed an outstanding view. But this did not come without overcoming some of my internal assumptions. This situation reminds me of similar events I have had, and some I have coached others around.
Many of us have various limiting beliefs, assumptions, interpretations, and even gremlins that can hold us back. Most of the time, we do not recognize that we are allowing this to happen. We have developed a thought or story in our head to support these and do our best to continue believing it and staying in a comfort zone. But what becomes possible when we are opened up to challenging these thoughts and changing our way of thinking? How do we even recognize that the ideas and beliefs exist in our minds? One way to start is to understand what each of these areas is so you can challenge that thought or story the next time it appears.
Limiting Beliefs
Limiting beliefs are the areas we believe about ourselves and accept in life, and they are our inner truths. It is a self-identity we give ourselves. We also may place a belief on the people around us or our world. We let it confine and limit us without realizing it. These limiting beliefs are the conclusions we make based on something we saw, heard, or read. These thoughts can be our protective mechanism to avoid possible negative thoughts and emotions. Many times we have not fully explored the reasoning behind it. We just continue to believe it, and when a situation presents itself, the easiest out is to allow these limiting beliefs to take control and keep us in a comfort zone.
An example of a limiting belief I used to tell myself is that I had few directly transferable skills from my military occupation related to a career out of the military. I did not have data to support this, but I had an unknown coming as I was preparing to transition out of the Navy and therefore developed this belief. It was not until I started to network and have discussions that I recognized this was not true for me.
Assumptions
Assumptions are the experiences we have had in the past that form our thoughts and perceptions of the future. Our assumptions may be positive or negative. Once we formulate this in our minds, we have to get to the point of challenging it. We develop an expectation that, because a similar event has happened in the past, it will happen again. It may have been true once before, but is it true now?
In coaching, a common assumption I work with individuals on is communication and feedback. The individual is not wanting to provide constructive feedback and having it seen as unfavorable by the receiver. The majority of these individuals who work on changing this perspective find that their assumption is typically incorrect. Most of the people they provide feedback to desire to know areas in which they can improve.
Interpretations
When we create stories in our minds about an experience or person(s), we develop an interpretation. These interpretations assist us in developing an opinion and reaction to events coming at us. Maybe we jump to a conclusion. Wherever they come from, we are good at picking information and then adding our thoughts to build a story. As we recognize we are making interpretations, we need to ask ourselves how we could look at this from a different perspective or how someone else would see it? When we recognize our interpretations, we can see these events differently and give ourselves opportunities with new outcomes.
Have you ever applied for a job, and you stopped hearing back from the company representative at some point in the process? The lack of response leads to your mind developing all sorts of interpretations. You tell yourself something along the line of, “well, it must have been my resume because I did not have a specific certification they wanted.” Or maybe, “that question on how to handle a difficult employee seemed weird, and I probably did not answer it as they wanted.” Some will find they get worried, wondering how they are doing something incorrectly, and others may look at it and see it as positive because they are learning and preparing for the next application round. When you recognize you are in this situation, ask yourself, “what might be another way to look at this?”
Gremlins
Have you ever had the little voice in your head whisper, “you are going to fail”? Maybe it is saying “I’m not good enough” or something along the line of “I’m not experienced enough.” The Gremlin is your inner voice, a critic telling you that you are not good enough in some way. It is working to convince you that something you desire is ridiculous for you and stop attempting to achieve it. Gremlins are very good at preventing you from taking action by placing a little fear within. Your Gremlin does not have to take over in these situations, and once you recognize this, much more may become possible for you.
Military members I have networked with express Gremlins as they are preparing to leave the service. “I’m not experienced enough” is something I hear a lot as individuals are working to guide their journey post-military. Spending some time discussing this and allowing the individual to understand this is a Gremlin talking, not who they indeed are within. All it may be doing is trying to keep control has been beneficial for most. As they learn what the Gremlin is and what it is trying to do, they can then literally “talk back” to the Gremlin or take control and ask the Gremlin to work for their benefit in the situation.
Panoramic View
We all have some truths that develop in our minds. If we sit back and challenge none of them, our opportunity and potential may slip by without us even stepping up to the starting line. Some individuals can self-start nearly everything; it seems they have that internal mechanism to constantly question everything they think and see everything from multiple perspectives. Others have to be challenged to reach beyond the Gremlins, Assumptions, Interpretations, and Limiting Beliefs (GAILS) that form within their mind. Understanding how we perceive things and how much we can change those thoughts will help us expand our possibilities and growth.
If you were wondering about the start of this story and my assumption on my fear of heights, here was my reward from the top of Moro Rock!
